When I am Lord High Commander of All, one of my first acts will be to introduce a minimum age requirement for high-coverage beards. Soul patches are great. Goatees? Lovely. That strange Dutch chin-strap thing? Well, not for me, but help yourself. But large beards, beards that cover not just the edges of a face but the neck and cheeks, they should be confined to men (and I’m very strict on that part too) over 40. And slightly greying, if possible.
As a guide, this is fine, this is not. Or this. Oh, and this entire site is terrifying.
And yes, I’m well aware that this is probably a deep psychological neurosis based in my inability to pass through puberty and grow such adornments myself. But don’t let that stop you posting good-natured abuse below.