Sometime in the last week our household passed a significant threshold. Claire had commented on several ocassions (and I think you know what I mean when I say ‘several’) that she didn’t have enough clothes. At the weekend, in part to rectify this, we hit the mall for a good Anglo-American shopping spree (i.e. low in price, high in volume). Thus it was, at the start of the week, that Claire complained that she didn’t know what to wear because she had too much to choose from.
I fear that the line between these two states is vanishingly small, in fact so small as to display quantum physics-like properties, in that the act of observation causes it to change. Certainly we have no way of knowing when we are at the line, only when we have passed it. Unfortunately I suspect it does not have one of the key characteristics of quantum physics, namely the quanta. While light can only present itself in discreet units, the demarcation line for too much or not enough is measured in fractions. For example, were we hovering on the insufficient side of the line, the purchase of a short-sleeved T-shirt may still leave us lagging our desired goal, while the accrual of the same T-shirt with long sleeves would push us beyond the mark. Staying with our physics theme, I suspect further that the apparel boundary exhibits signs of radioactive decay; what yesterday was a surfeit of choice becomes tomorrow’s barren wasteland of sartorial options.
Naturally I have a solution for this problem: The regular purchase of small quantities of extremely skimpy foundationwear. Allowing for very fine adjustments of our position (see the rich bounty of double entendres I leave for you to pick up!) relative to the feast/famine fashion line, but regular top-ups will help keep us there over time. You may easily think I have my own motives for such an arrangement, but I hope that reflection on the argument laid out above will convince you that I am thinking only of my dear spouse’s emotional wellbeing.
And I leave you with a new phrase for the fashion physicists out there: The Apparel Boundary, being that point at which one has sufficient clothing to make a suitable choice for all ocassions, while not so much as to overwhelm.
2 Comments
Another quantam factor – in quantam physics the mere observation of something can actually and randomly alter the characteristics of the phenomenom being observed. For example, something which looks very good in the store will randomly look very bad at home when observed in the mirror. This then results in the purchase of another item of clothing similar in almost every way to the now-abhorrent item of clothing except one crucial and almost imperceptible detail. Repeat this sequence as unneccesary and you’ve got something which has a physics/quantam parallel, which I’m still trying to work out. I do know that it leads to more space in the wallet and less in the closet.
By the way, I’m not sure if you wearing many items of skimpy foundationware will have a positive impact on Mrs H’s emotional wellbeing.
“foundationware,” bah – the correct term is “unmentionables.”