Cycling in to work today, with a gentle mist falling and a gale force wind trying to blow me back home, I was party to an abomination the like of which I have not known since the horrible Ladybird Slaughter of ’76. I hang my head in shame, yet feel the need to unburden myself. You see, this morning I committed wormicide.
Hundreds of worms had arranged themselves like discarded g-strings along the bike path, and using the little-known law of cycling physics known as ‘sucking’, my wheels were, shamingly, drawn to almost all of them. In my defence it wasn’t all my fault; many of the bewildered Lumbricidae, driven insane by the seemingly endless tarmac (crawl across, across, not along!) hurled themselves into my path like strands of segmented pasta abandoning a baby’s fork. Yet the guilt, it weighs heavy upon me, and so I must sneak into the office Mother’s Room for a quick lie down. I shall return.
Side note: I salute the author of the following snippet:
It is a commonly held belief that if you chop a worm in half you will end up with two live worms. This is not true. If you chop a worm in half it is possible that one half may recover and heal but you are most likely to end up with two halves of a dead worm.