Cycling in to work today, with a gentle mist falling and a gale force wind trying to blow me back home, I was party to an abomination the like of which I have not known since the horrible Ladybird Slaughter of ’76. I hang my head in shame, yet feel the need to unburden myself. You see, this morning I committed wormicide.
Hundreds of worms had arranged themselves like discarded g-strings along the bike path, and using the little-known law of cycling physics known as ‘sucking’, my wheels were, shamingly, drawn to almost all of them. In my defence it wasn’t all my fault; many of the bewildered Lumbricidae, driven insane by the seemingly endless tarmac (crawl across, across, not along!) hurled themselves into my path like strands of segmented pasta abandoning a baby’s fork. Yet the guilt, it weighs heavy upon me, and so I must sneak into the office Mother’s Room for a quick lie down. I shall return.
Side note: I salute the author of the following snippet:
It is a commonly held belief that if you chop a worm in half you will end up with two live worms. This is not true. If you chop a worm in half it is possible that one half may recover and heal but you are most likely to end up with two halves of a dead worm.
3 Comments
A few interesting things on that worm link. One is the terrifying thought of a 300mm long worm! Agh!
The others are of course around the mating stuff. I assume that you, reader, waited until you were around 18ish before your first, er, mating. And it probably didn’t take too long. However the humble worm waits about 4 weeks before it’s ready to mate, and then the mating takes about an hour. Scale that ratio up to human timings and it means that if you mated like a worm you would have been doing so for approximately 17 days. As both man and woman. You dirty slag.
Wow, Andrew. I’m impressed at the, ah, penetrating bredth of information you have to … erm … lay upon us here visiting the bopl Lumbricidae entry. Must have been all the gstrings mentioned. Gosh you English are repressed.
Colonel – thanks. I am in fact Scottish and just as repressed as the next Minnesotan